Longing and Leaving
by Simon Erif
Summary: WARNING! DEATH FIC!!! just wanted to warn you before you say anything else. ^^ better save than sorry. well.. so it's a song fic and an very angsty story too.. or so I've been told. do we see a pattern here people... ^^;; well it's Blairs POV.. have fun.


all same... don't own... don't sue... no money... blaah blaah blaah 

^^ have fun. 

Longing and Leaving  
By: © Simon Erif 

  
He was sitting there listening the rain and his new time favourite song. He was feeling depressed for this would be his last night in the loft, Jim's loft. He would be moving to his own apartment tomorrow morning. He was feeling down and totally depressed for Jim hadn't even winced when he'd broken the news of his departure from the place he had learned to call home even. His plan had been that he had wanted to see if Jim could care about him more than just a friend but It seemed that I was not meant to be that way for him. So he sat here watching the rain and listening to this bittersweet song that he had come to love for its truthful words. 

/When ever sang my songs  
On the stage on my own  
Whenever said my words  
Wishing they would be heard/ 

He laughed with bitterness as the lyrics ones again bit hard and deep inside his heart. He couldn't believe how true it sounded to him. How well those words were picturing his situation. He watched the world outside the balcony windows and wondered if Jim would ever hear the words of this song again. 

/I saw you smiling at me  
Was it real or just my fantasy?  
You'd always be there in the corner  
Of this tiny little bar/ 

He remembered the many times he'd seen that smile on Jim's face only to later realize it was only a friendly smile nothing more. He had watched Jim fall in love time after time with out a word from himself in protest. He wanted to keep him in that little place it seemed he had always been in, but in the same time he didn't want to risk the friendship they had. It was so sad that now he would leave and then Jim wouldn't no longer be in that "corner of this tiny little bar". He would stay here in Cascade but Blair had decided to move on, to leave if not forever then for a good time to get his feelings sorted out. 

/My last night here for you  
Same old songs, just once more  
My last night here with you?  
Maybe yes, maybe no  
I kind of liked it your way  
How you shyly placed your eyes on me  
Did you ever know  
That I had mine on you?/ 

So it was his last night "home" and where was Jim? He was out with his new girlfriend. Alice was her name he tried to remember but didn't really care. His beloved was out spending his time with a lovely lady while his lovesick best friend was at home depressed and listening to a song he never understood before. Blair laugher at his foul mood and answered to the songs questions. Yeah last night with him till the next time. He thought silently. He couldn't believe he was really leaving it still felt a little unbelievable. And Jim wasn't going to stop him in anyway. He'd just escort him to the plane and leave to spent yet another night with his lovely Alice. He wanted to cry but then again what would that help anyway. He was leaving and Jim was staying he to have a good life with his Alice. They would get married and move to a bigger house, have few kids maybe a god or a cat That was just the way it was going to be. 

/Darling, so there you are  
With that look on your face  
As if you're never hurt  
As if you're never down  
Shall I be the one for you  
Who pinches you softly but sure  
If frown is shown then  
I will know that you are no dreamer/ 

He was thinking of the times they had shared together in the loft or elsewhere. The times Jim had saved his life from whatever danger they had been facing at the time. He remembered the time he'd died. He'd been running in the jungle free and happy when the panther had stopped him and made him jump over the cliff. Now that he thought of it he would have rather wanted to stay in the jungle than return only to hear Jim say I'm not ready to take that trip with you He had felt his heart broke at that very moment and now it was braking for the very last time. Probably just take him last bad and leave with Jim to the air port then step in to the plain that would take him away from Cascade and Jim. He would never know what it's like to kiss Jim or hold him in his arms or to be hold by him in a tender embrace 

/So let me come to you  
Close as I want to be  
Close enough for me  
To feel your heart beating fast  
And stay there as I whisper  
How I love your peaceful eyes on me  
Did you ever know  
That I had mine on you?/ 

I wasn't like he hadn't tried to get Jim's attention but it was always like he hadn't even noticed. A few times he'd seen him looking but now he just thought it was his own imagination that had made him think that there was a chance for him. In reality there was not way Jim would feel more than friendship towards him. So I was not going to stay and whisper my loves to Jim's ear like the song suggested. I was going to leave to nurse my once again broken heart in a place I knew he wouldn't look for me. He would never know 

/Darling, so share with me  
Your love if you have enough  
Your tears if you're holding back  
Or pain if that's what it is  
How can I let you know  
I'm more than the dress and the voice  
Just reach me out then  
You will know that you're not dreaming/ 

They had shared so much in their time together, the tears of pain and sadness, the anger, joy and happiness. The only thing they hadn't shared was love. And that was the way it would be. Blair would love Jim till death would harvest upon his soul but Jim would not love Blair the way he so greatly graved. He would always be the odd one out if he stayed. 

/Darling, so there you are  
With that look on your face  
As if you're never hurt  
As if you're never down  
Shall I be the one for you  
Who pinches you softly but sure  
If frown is shown then I will know  
that you are no dreamer/ 

So he slept his last night in the loft unknowing of the explosion or car crash that happened only an hour later, of him falling in to the restless sleep. He didn't know that it was that very familiar white and blue car that had gotten hit by a truck, when the driver was speeding to get home to his beloved guide. He didn't know that the last words from those lovely lips were for him asking him... to stay. 

THE END


End file.
